QFBA Rag – 2007-8 Week Nine

Interestinger and Interestinger

This must have been GOP week in the QuiXand Fantasy Basketball League because the rich got richer and the poor got poorer. Incubus VS Dubers has to be the Poster Child of GOP week when Incubus puts up a paltry 157 points and gets the win against J-Dub “Proving Why I’m a Goober” Duber. First the head Duber trades his best remaining player for peanuts, then forgets to start one of those peanuts and loses by 22 ONLY because of his empty slot!

It’s all very suspicious when you consider that Mr. Emtee started against the same team he made the lopsided trade with. Merry Freakin’ Christmas, eh? Hey Duber: how about starting Mr. Emtee when you play me? Never mind, I won’t need the help!

One thing about luck is that it eventually catches up with you. In the last three weeks Incubus has managed to win two of three with scores of 152,152 and 157. At least he’s consistent! At any rate, enjoy it while it lasts ‘Bus, your luck can’t hold out forever. Or is there something more nefarious going on?

Rich Get Richer in a Nail Biter

Jitterbugz have a higher average than two of the three teams tied for first and a higher average than three of the five teams ahead of them and now they lose a one pointer at the buzzer. That’s a tough pill to swallow. Then on top of that, their unsportsmanlike opponent says Coach S has a Jiggle Butt! Genius? All I can say is I’m glad I’m not the poor fool who said that!

As for the Chief, much like his GOP running mate, he has been living beyond his means for a while. Thanks to the one point Dubya this week, his maintains his 1st place tie despite the fact that three teams behind him have higher averages and ‘Bus is but a fraction of a point behind despite his dismal outings of late. Like I say, enjoy it while it lasts. Something tells me that the deficit will be coming due very soon.

‘Gal Watch 2007 – Final Installment

FJ Cruisers had a nice if not spectacular week in beating the SeaGals this week. I really thought the SeaGals lineup had the potential to be their best yet. Who would have thought Felton would come in at 13 and Ricky Davis at 17? I’m not surprised at Webster’s 10 however. Give the Gal’s credit for finding Bynum who is having a breakout season. Personally, I’d shuffle my starting lineup to get Williams and Crawford in and slide Ricky Davis into Webster’s Forward slot... but that’s just me.

Speaking of luck catching up with teams, wouldn’t if be great to see the ‘Gals get their first Dubya against the struggling ‘Bus next week? It could happen...

Didigetclobbered?

Okay, clobbered may be a bit strong but the didi’s were no match for the Powerhouse Parrotheads this week. The Cap’n almost feels a little bad for the didi’s after they tinkered with their lineup and managed to post their best numbers of the season in a losing effort. Then again, they are pretty lucky to be 5-4 while averaging a full 15 points less than our other 5-4 team, April and the Cruisers.

With last year’s NBA Rookie of the Year Brandon Roy in the lineup now, I think the didi’s may finally earn their standing in future weeks. While I’ve never thought as highly of Marion as the pundits seem to, I do think I’d rather have him in my lineup that Salmons. Then again, that’s just me. Since Salmons plays for Coach Sisti’s home team, I guess he might have an emotional attachment to him. Still, maybe it was worth a try to improve his team.

Inconsistent ‘Runners Finally Hit on All Eight

I gotta admit I’m a little nervous about facing this 8th place team next week. I’ve felt all along like the ‘Runners were a lot better than their record and this week, they justified that opinion. For every lucky Chief and ‘Bus there has to be a snakebit ‘Runner, I guess. I mean, the Runners have a better average than seven other teams and end up in 8th place? Is there no justice?

On their way to the highest point total of the year so far, the Runners had two players crack 50 points, and another with 40 and their worst performance was Stoudemire’s 30. Rumor has it that Turkey Glue has copies of previous QFBA Rags where I poked fun of him taped to his locker for motivation. Whatever he’s doing is working big time. Hey, Coach Hayduke, how about trading me Turkey Glue for Okur?

QFBA Rag – 2007-8 Week Eight

Yes, April, There is a Santa

And his name is Jolly Ol’ St. Rednick. Not that this will come as a surprise to anyone but Chief Flap-his-jaws stuck his foot in his mouth yet again. Referring to Week Eight competition Jolly ol’ St. Rednick said; “So Great!!!!!
Chief can't lose this week... Cap'n goes down... Chief WINS!!!! Bus goes down... Chief WINS!!!!. “
Actually, it goes like this” “Cap’n Wins... Chief loses!!! Incubus wins... Chief loses!!! FJCruisers Win... Chief loses!!!. In fact, the Chief tied the ‘Gals for the weekly low at 142 so he couldn’t have even beaten the Gals this week unless he did it in overtime. Those over-inflated egos will get you ever damn time...

Coach Heiniger Jr. nearly beat St. Rednick with only four players. When Thursday rolled around she needed but four points from Iverson for the Christmas Dubya. In typical Me-Myself-and-Iverson overachieving fashion, he responded with 62, leading the Cruisers to the second highest point total of the week.

Jitz’ Sprint Past Runners

I’m thinking that Coach Hayduke didn’t know that Jitterbugz is named after our dog Jitterbug, who has officially been crowned the fastest dog in North America by two different racing organizations. Had he know that, he may have realized he had no chance of “Running” past the Jitz. Still, the ‘Runners may be the best 2-6 team in league history.

I mean, they’ve had several weeks now when they had one of the highest point totals of the week, only to run into one of the few teams who did better. I mean Part Deux: ‘Runners average 159.4 points per week VS 151.4 for the didi’s who are 5-3! It hardly seems fair, does it folks?

Speaking of hardly seeming fair, what about the Jitz who are in 6th place with the 3rd highest average in the league? That’s why we play ‘em!

Heinigrrr!! Part Three

Rounding out the Heiniger Trifecta, Good Cap’n Parrotdead pulled in the high score of the week (yet again) and in so doing, vaulted to 1st place in the standings, downed the Evil Incubus, added $20 to his season winnings, and completed the Heiniger Hat-trick as the Heiniger’s finished 1-2-3 this week. Not a bad week’s work, even if I do say so myself. How’s that fer havin’ a set, ‘Bus?

In the “what a difference a week makes” category, I consulted the infamous hidden data sheet (now in festive red and green for the holidays) and discovered that Incubus’ 152 points matched his season low set last week in a winning effort. Gimpy McGrady limped with 11 for the ‘Bus and Tinsley showed why he was a free agent by posting 18. Coach “Trade-em” Moyle responded by promptly shopping both players around the league as trade bait. Hey, Coach ‘Bus, the term “bait” implies something desirable to entice the “victim”!

Gal Watch 2007 Continues

I had a feeling that this could be the week the ‘Gals get the big Holiday Win against Coach JW “I’m winning the real game” Meyer. I haven’t figured out if the Rookie Guber Coach has just given up on the season in trading his top two players away or if he really believes his spiel that he’s ahead in the Yahoo Standings (was, anyway) and “that’s the real game so what do I need these Guber for”? Or...???

Who knows, but LeBron told me yesterday, when he reported to his first Parrotdead practice, that he’s glad to finally be on a team with a Coach who know what he’s doing.

I digress, however, let’s not forget what matters here, which is getting the Comely Gals a win before the season expires. We only have 14 more weeks! Week Nine pits the Gals against the Cruiser and it’s not likely to happen this week against a Heinigrrr.

PS. Inside sources told me that the Gals have no intention of trading away their best players and are highly offended at the plethora of insulting offers they’ve received. My guess is that most of those emails came from cmoyle@aol.com. The league is investigating this outrageous spam problem.


Clutch Post’s Best Non-Heinigrrr Score of the Week

Too bad the Crutch didn’t play the Home Club this week when Duncan exploded for 57. It was just unfortunate for Clutching the Tittie that Gordon did even worse than McGrady, who he traded for Gordon, because Crutch had a shot at the weekly high score with a decent game from his Point Guard. It didn’t matter much though, since Clutch still clobbered didi dave 187-148.

I see the didi’s as a real oxymoron: They have the talent to be 5-3 but have not put up numbers deserving of their 5-3 record. Oh, it’s all so confusing. Give Coach Sisti credit though, I see that he continues to scour the free agent wires to improve his team. Lots of time left in the season and the didi’s are fortunate to be in the thick of the competition still so we’ll see how this story plays out. Hey, I hear the ‘Gals have some players available... DOH!!

QFBA Rag – 2007-8 Week Seven

Dubers Drub Da Cruisers for Desperately Desired Dubya


I want to say the Dubers needed this one bad but I’m not sure how much it matters when, even with the win, they’re 2-5 in Week Seven. Then again, with two thirds of the season still to go, and finally with both Wade and BronBron healthy, maybe they still have a chance to get in playoff contention.

Sadly for the Cruisers, they did need this one in a major way. At 3-3 going in, it’s the difference between being a winning team and a losing one. There’s some major talent on this Cruisers team but also some major issues keeping them from flying high; Durant’s inconsistency, for one. Obviously, the guy is going to be a major force in the NBA and probably a huge QFBA star too, but right now, his rookie inconsistency is killing the Cruisers. As Durant goes, it seems, so go the Cruisers.


Fronter’s Find Folly Frustrating

Last week they had the third highest score in the league. This week, the second highest, and they lose both weeks. This has to be driving the Chicago kid nuts! Especially true when you consider G. Wallace’s 35 in place of Lewis’s 24 would have given the Runners the win. Not that I can blame Coach Hayduke for that one, he did start what is generally his best five.

Coach Hayduke told this reporter, and I quote, “Sigh, Moan, Groan, Complain. Boohoo, whoa is me.”

It looks like “My Name is Chief” took a page out of Earl’s book and boosted his Karma with uncharacteristic generosity by starting Mr. Emtee this week. He was rewarded with the win and the weekly high score with only four players. Nice work Chief. Now that the Chief has discovered Karma, I’m sure we can all look forward to a kinder, gentler Rednick. NOT!!

Karma Kind to Kap’n Too

Just to be a sport, the good Cap slid Johnson out of the lineup, costing his team seven points over his replacement, Hill. No matter, he cruised past the Gals 164 to 145, even with one sail down. Still the move did set a fine example of sportsmanship for the league and you can all emulate. That’s what you call leadership, folks..

For Week Eight, Gal Watch 2007 continues when they draw the dopey Dubers. I like their chances of this being the week but with Wade and LeBron both back, all bets are off. The
Dubers do have an uncanny ability to find a way to lose, so anything could happen in this one.


Didi’s Drop Da Bugs

I did consult the infamous hidden data sheet (now of the pink text, to honor the Chief’s feminine side), to confirm that this was the Didi’s second best score of the season. Truth be told, Dodo Wop Didi had no business winning this one. I mean, how often is Parker going to come in with 19 and Ming with 21?

The Alpha Bitch is almost beside herself after Billups goes for 50 and David West drops in 47, both from the bench! I guess week Eight will end a lot of recent frustration for someone when the Bug’s face the Runners. The question is which underachiever will it be?


Farm Team Frightens Frantic Franchise

It took all week for the ‘Bus to finally settle this one and I can only imagine how he was quaking in his boots. Coach Tobias spent the week so deep in the backwoods of Alabama that he could, and I quote, “Hear those Deliverance banjo’s at night.” Even under those trying, cyber-challenged circumstances he managed to give his big league benefactor a big time scare.

In the end though, it was Deliverance for the ‘Bus. I mean, literally half the teams in the league would have beaten the overconfident gambling addict, but he happened to draw the farm club on a week when Duncan was returning from injury. I have one word for the ‘Bus performance this week:”middle-of-the-road. (It’s all one word if I hyphenate, right?)

It’s hard to imagine Inky’s overconfidence going into next week’s matchup with Cap’n Powerhouse, after a performance like this. He was fortunate to have NOT played the Good Cap’n this week, yet he’s still trying to max his bet for next week. What IS he thinking?

QFBA Rag – 2007-8 Week Six

I’m a Gal watcher, I’m a Gal watcher. Watchin’ Gals go by, my, my, my...

Unbefreakin’-leavable! That’s all I can say about this one. Coach Tobias doesn’t know Duncan is hurt and doesn’t bother to put a live body in his Center spot. Kinda hard to imagine a Texan missed that one but now the stage is set for the ‘Gals to grab their first ever Dubya until Wilcox drags in with 8 fantasy points.

Okay, all is not lost; Marbury will play after his dad’s funeral, only needing seven for the win. Friday rolls around, Marbury is back and repays his coaches understanding during his time of need by creeping in with five. Five! Can you believe it?! Five Freakin’ Fantasy Points!! Disgraceful. Absolutely disgraceful.

It doesn’t sound at all right to call a 3-3 team lucky but the Incubus Farm Team is freakin’ lucky to be .500 at this point, thanks to the SeaGals amazing ability to snatch defeat out of the jaws of victory.

It’s going to be a while before the winless ‘Gals get another chance to win, what with the streaking Parrotheads up next. Maybe Week Eight when they draw the mismanaged Dubers.


Speaking of Snatchin’ Defeat...

It was going to take a Herculean effort for the ‘Bugz to get past the ‘Bus this week considering the Stinky One finally replaced the Cap’n with the weekly high score at 203. It was a wasted effort on the ‘Bus’ part considering half the league would have beaten the Jitters this week.

The surging Inkers were let by Howard, who has been absolutely phenomenal this year, while Minor league call up McGrady played wingman. Incubus also got nice performances from former free agents Tinsley and Jackson.

The loss was a team effort for the Jitters with Ming’s 43 pretty much the only bright spot. A little better effort in Week seven might get the Jitz a Dubya against the didi’s and it should be easy picking for ‘Bus against their depleted farm team.


Snatching Defeat Part Trey

I know, I know, it’s a little harsh to call a team that puts up 190 points mismanaged but considering that Duncan is out (is the Cap’n the only one on the planet that knew that going into Week Six?) and Ginobili is assuming the leadership and scoring role for the Spurs in his absence, Coach Hayduke should have made sure Ginobili was in his lineup. I’ll cut the coach a little slack since, being only Guard eligible, inserting Ginobili would have required benching Paul or Williams. Still, Ginobili for Paul would have netted the ‘Runners a whopping 213 points this week. Advice for next year Coach Hayduke: flexibility.

As hard as it is to swallow losing with 190 points on the board, knowing he could have posted another 23 points and grabbed a badly needed win from the Cruisers must really be salt in Hayduke’s wounds.

FJ’s have to thank their lucky stars for Iverson’s 62 offsetting Stoudemire’s 61 to keep them alive for the Dubya in this one. They really needed this win to stay in the hunt. Now they just need to hope the Dubers continue to make personnel errors next week.


Snatching... Part IV

It wasn’t Cap’n Parrotdead’s best week and he’s grateful for the Dubers dubious decision dropping. Aside from Boozer’s usual monster game, no one was particularly impressive for the Cap, though he was happy to see Gasol beginning to post the kind of numbers he should.

It’s kinda hard to understand what Rookie Coach J-Dub was thinking with Barbosa in the game while Butler sits on the bench. Slide Iguodala into Barbosa’s Guard slot and Butler in at Forward and Dub’s get the cross-office rivalry week win.

Dubers could have put up even more points with Chandler for Biedrins at Center but I can’t blame him too much for that one as it’s pretty tough to tell from game to game which of these two inconsistent Centers are going to have the better week. With Chandler developing into a rebounding madman though, I think I’d give him the nod until proven otherwise. Whatever, Cap wins. Cap likes to win.

PS. Roman Numerals just for the Chief.


Injun Squaw Dodges didi

Frankly, Rednecks VS didi was dodo doodoo. For all her chest thumping and bleat-bleat-bleating and mega-gay yoo-hooing, the squaw was damn lucky to squeak by this week. How often is Allen going to come in with 15 or Camby with 22 and both in the same week no less? A whole lot less often then Okafor comes in at 16, that’s for sure.

I’m not sure why Okafor has become so inconsistent this year but this reporter has to think it has something to do with his dissatisfaction at playing for the Squaw. Whatever, the truth is that neither of these teams deserved to win this week.

Say, wasn’t there an Indian Chief in the Village People? That would go along way toward explaining the Squaw’s obviously homosexual attraction to the Cap’n. One more time Chief: Homey don’t swing dat way.

QFBA Rag – 2007-8 Week Five

Fifteenth Round Decision Goes to ‘Bus

Incubus took out Rednicks this week in a thriller. It looked like a no-brainer with Incubus needing just 13 from Bosh for the Dubya but fate has a funny way of keeping things interesting. The Chief may have thought he got a reprieve when Bosh went down to injury by halftime but alas, ‘twas not to be for Coach Ego. Bosh got exactly the 13 he needed before heading to the Incubus locker room, handing Incubus the one point win and leaving the emotional Coach in tears of gratitude.

Rednicks were paced by Bryant’s 49 and Kaman’s 47 while Incubus got 52 from Minor League call-up McGrady and Randolph chipped in 40. And speaking of being all about the matchup, both of these so-called high-powered teams would have lost to 5 other franchises this week, including one who lost their game. Oh, the fickle finger of fate...


‘Bugs Bite SeaGals

Coach Malini continues to work the free agent wire to improve her team, and she’s progressing but still has a way to go. The SG’s posted their best numbers since opening week but it wasn’t anywhere near enough to get past the semi-consistent Bugz. With all players in but one, Seagulls needed 44 from Prince to get their first win. Had it been Karmelkorn Anthony or Sometimes Murbury, that might have been doable but there wasn’t much chance of Prince pulling that off and indeed he brought up the rear for the ‘Gals at 22. I hope Prince is next to be replaced by a free agent.

Next week the Bug’s face Incubus and the Gals go against the Incubus Farm Team. Cap’n Commish Parrotdead thinks both of these female fronted teams have a good chance at a Dubya.


Dubers Need Dubya - Bigtime

Talk about Snakebit! Jay-Dub finally gets one of Bron Bron’s big games when it counts with 59. Butler adds 48, Iguadala has 36 and the Dubers post their best game yet. Now all they need is15 from Biedrins and he comes in with 8. It looks like a five on four game when you consider that Barbosa and Biedrins together equaled Crutch’s worst player. Then, in a big F-U to the rookie coach, Biedrins pulls down 33 in his next game.

Too bad Dubers weren’t playing the 1st or 2nd place team this week, they’d have won. I’m thinking the Dubers bad luck can’t hold out forever, not with this year’s biggest Fantasy Stud Mr. Triple-Double James on the team, flanked by one of last season’s best players in Wade. It’s just a matter of time before Wade is Wade again and Dubers post some big numbers. The question now is, can they remain in playoff contention until then?

As for Coach Toby Moyle, despite missing out on McGrady’s 52 (lucky for ‘Bus), he still managed to get the desperately needed win behind his second highest score of the young season. I don’t sound bitter, do I?


Equal and Opposite

As unlucky as Dubers have been, slightly above average didis have been fabulously lucky so far. They post their season high at a mere 168 and get yet another win, moving to 4-1. With a 151.1 average, only 1-4 Dubers and 0-5 SeaGals have a worse average yet didis are in a virtual 2nd place tie. Where’s the justice? In the long run, these things tend to even out, so we’ll see if the final standings are as kind to didi as Week 5 has been.

It’s not like the FrontRunners have lit the league on fire either. At 2-3, they’re right about where they ought to be. Since posting 190 in week one, they have been woefully below average ever since. With Paul back from injury, perhaps their luck will change.

The Good Cap’n, in his benevolence, has generously offered the ‘Runners several trade scenarios to help Coach Hayduke improve his team but he has stubbornly refused to deal. Hayduke seems to believe ya dance with the one ya brung, even if she’s been beat with the ugly stick.


Powerhouse Parrots Show No Mercy Spawn

The Cap’n has never believed in over-protecting his kids. It’s a tough old world out there and ya gotta learn to deal with it. Sorry Coach April but this Parrotdead team is a force that can’t be stopped. This makes the 3rd week in a row that the Powerhouse Parrotheads have tied or set the weekly high score. Had the Cap’n not been so loyal to Okur in weeks one and two, they’d be undefeated. As it is, Parrotdead has the high average on the season and is but one game out of the lead. Look out RedBus, I’m comin’ to getcha!

Early on the Cruisers were looking like the team to beat but they have struggled to equal their early success. Iverson still has more in the tank than the Cap ever thought he did, Durant has proven to be a better pick than the Cap could have imagined and Garnett is, well, Garnett. It looks to Cap’n Commish like Howard is the weak link on this team. If Coach A can find the right combinations, they might still do some damage.