QFBA Rag – 2007-8 Week Thirteen

didi’s Ruin FJ’s Day

It must be the coaching. The didi’s continue to cling by their fingertips to the final playoff spot despite averaging a Guber-like 155 points. FJ Cruisers had a chance to take over that spot with the win but Durant showed his rookie-ness by disappearing in the big game, managing a paltry 19 fantasy points.

didi’s were led by Nash with 53 and Camby with 40 while everyone else was average or worse for Coach Sisti. Their 177 doesn’t quite qualify for setting the world afire but it was enough for the win, and just enough seems to be M.O. for this team. didi’s face the hungry ‘Runners next week, which could be a huge game in determining the final playoff spot. Hey, wouldn't it be something if the didi's managed to 'just enough' themselves right into the playoffs and maybe even the title?

Unlucky Thirteen – ‘Bus Stops Streak

Coming in at 178 points, the 3rd highest total of the week, I can’t exactly say Coach Hayduke’s squad stumbled but they did have the misfortune of running head-on into the red-hot ‘Bus. It was an important game for the .500 ‘Runners, who were riding the QFBA’s longest current win streak. They had an opportunity to move into winning territory, while knocking off one of the teams ahead of them, but faltered in the face of the challenge.

Coach Moyle had his squad prepared for the challenge after feeling a bit dissed last week by the Cap’s prognostications, to which he responded, “personally I wouldn't trade my own roster for the Captain's.” Apparently his squad showed their appreciation for their coach’s loyalty by posting the weekly high score.

Unlucky Thirteen – Duber Drop Another

The Goobers finally managed to get their best five players in the game at the same time and were rewarded with their highest point total ever. Unfortunately, they ran up against a motivated Jitterbugz team, who were tired of hearing their coach moan “Woe is me”.

Led by former benchwarmer Butler’s 44, the Dubers actually had the ‘Bugz on the ropes behind the Trade Me Kidd’s 20 but Ming finally came through big with 52 to hand Coach S the four-point win. At 6-7, Bugz and ‘Runners are but two games out of the playoffs with nine games still to go. Mercy sakes, we may have us a race.

Cap Clubs SeaClutch

It isn’t too often that Baron Davis is going to come in at 24 and Boozer at 28. In fact, Cap’s got $20 for any taker that says these two will not combine for this low a total the rest of the season. Still, it didn’t matter, since the Parrotheads still managed to post the 2nd highest score of the week behind Johnson, James and Gay.

It’s true that the future looks pretty rosy for Cap’n Powerhead but The Cap expects a strong challenge from the FJ’s next week.

As for SeaCrutch, they face the Dubers next in the Game of the Weak. Since neither team has a rabbit’s chance in the QuiXand dog yard of making the playoffs, you could say those two teams will be playing for pride, except that, with records like theirs, it’s hard to imagine that there is any pride left.

‘Nick’s Lucky Thirteen

The QFBA offices were inundated with email from coaches around the league who were excitedly watching the Chief thrash about, trying to get past the lowly ‘Gals this week. After struggling to best the Dubers last week with a measly 154 points, the Chief sunk even lower by posting 152 points this week. I know it can’t be clean living when a team scores enough points to beat but one team and happens to be matched against that very team.

While it’s a minor miracle that the Red Necks are tied for first at this point, even though they lose all the tiebreakers, their luck can’t hold out forever. It’s going to take better than 152 points for the Knickers to catch the ’Bus this week. Better do some struttin’ and chest thumpin’ while ya can Chief. Something tells my yer on the big slide downhill.

QFBA Rag – 2007-8 Week Twelve

Dead Return:
Chief Yum-Yum Alive - Barely!

Rednicks looked to be headed for their second straight loss this week when the lowly Dubers trailed by a mere 30 pints - er, points - with J. O’Neil still to go. In a week that wrapped up early, O’Neal took the floor on Wednesday, only to exit with injury after only nine minutes and 4 fantasy points. In a week when Rednicks have four players fail to crack 30 points they prove the old adage that it’s better to be lucky than good.

The good (?) news is that, inspired by this uninspired win, the AWOL Chief came out of hiding to be his old chest-thumping self. Apparently, rumors of his demise were greatly exaggerated. How 'bout them apples?!

Return to the Dead

Proving that The Outer Limits was but a half-hour episode, the SeaGals followed their Week Eleven win with a 134 point showing and a 64 point beating at the hands of Hayduke. Davis’ five points and Wallace’s seventeen didn’t help the Gals’ hopes for a win streak any but with Coach Hayduke’s squad again setting the weekly high score, it didn’t matter much.

Don’t look now folks, but this ‘Runners team has climbed to .500 behind a four game win streak, during which they are averaging 195.5 points. If their starting five can stay healthy, they could be the Cinderella story of the season. Stoudemire has finally returned to the fantasy stud he was two seasons ago, G. Wallace has exploded into a superstar, D-Will is even better than he was last season and C. Paul continues to rack up numbers. Even Turkey-Glue has seemed inspired this season under Coach Hayduke’s tutelage.

If things continue like this, the Week Nineteen showdown between ‘Runners and the Good Cap’n may be a prelude to the finals.


Speaking of Resurging...

Sometimes the most dangerous teams are the one’s coming of embarrassing losses. Take, for example, the drubbing my Jazz gave the poor Clippers this week after getting pummeled the night before by the Nuggets. Or the way didi’s hijacked the injury decimated ‘Bus.

While their 167 point performance doesn’t quite qualify as setting the QFBA world afire, it was the 3rd highest score of the week and did power the didi’s to a 23 point win. I’ve gotta hand it to this didi team, they’ve managed to stay in playoff contention at 7-5 despite being seventh in terms of points average.

Meanwhile, the bus gets a little horsepower boost next week with the return of oft-injured McGrady. Word out of D.C, is that Arenas will begin practice with the team this week. ‘Bus has been incredibly lucky to get through his injury troubles of the last five weeks with only two losses. Now with the return of McGrady and potential return of Arenas, he is poised to challenge for the QFBA title yet again.


Jitters Have Misfortune of Facing Red-Hot Cap

For the second week in a row, Coach S was heard to mutter “Woe is me!” This week she tied for the 3rd highest score of the week but had to face the Powerhouse Parrotheads. I’ll admit, the Good Cap was a bit worried when Deng went down with injury and 15 fantasy points, Johnson was human at 31 and Boozer continued his mediocre ways of late at 34. None of that mattered in the least once King James racked up his 72 in an overtime win for the Cavs.

Much as he hates to be greedy, The Cap’s only regret this week is that he didn’t leave Gay in the lineup. With Gay’s 45 in place of Deng’s fifteen, the Parrothead’s would have posted a whopping 224. It’s okay though, Cap’ll gladly take the 194 and the Dubya.


SeaClutch City

Coach Apes didn’t have her best week ever but didn’t need it against the decimated SeaGuys (or is it Sonny to the SeaGals Cher?). Coach Tobias has been lamenting his inconsistent team but, sadly, they are getting quite consistent lately... consistently bad! I mean, speaking of matchups, too bad for the Gals that they didn’t face this team on a four game losing streak. The Dubers are also on a four game losing streak and even they would have beaten Crutch City.

Looking down Crutch’s roster, I see Incubus reject B. Gordon with eight, R. Jefferson with thirteen... wasn’t that another ‘Bus reject? Carter at nineteen. Personally, I was surprised to see Carter resurrect himself last year to do well for the Chief but I am not at all surprised to see him slouch back to selfish mediocrity this season. Redd has had one of his best years and is actually doing more than just scoring while Duncan has been a surprise, posting some big numbers of late. I didn’t expect that this year as Duncan’s career winds down and more people are contributing for the Spurs. So...Clutch has two decent players left after the Incubus raid.

Coach Tobias, I like you, I really do, but how many years in a row are you going to fall trade victim to the ‘Bus before you learn what the rest of us already know: DON’T TRADE WITH THE BUS!!! Hey, Sonny, watch out fer that tree!!

Second Half Prognostications

With the completion of the first week of the second half of the season, I’m going to go out on a limb here and make some predictions, if only to stimulate a little email action from those I piss off.

The four teams to make the playoffs will be, in this order: Cap’n Parrotdead, FrontRunners, Incubus and Rednicks. Frankly, I’m not so sure about Rednicks. FJCruisers have an outside chance of making the playoffs and maybe didi’s good coaching/luck can carry them that far as well.

Of the four likely playoff teams, only the FrontRunners have the horsepower to challenge The Good Cap’s for the title. Think I’m wrong? Tell me why.

QFBA Rag – 2007-8 Week Eleven

APB For the Chief!

The strut-strut-strutting, chest-thump-thump-thumping Chief has gone AWOL from the hallowed trash-talking halls of the QFBA this week. There has been speculation that he’s been on an extended bender after a motivated Cap’n Parrotdead kicked him to the curb like yesterday’s garbage. Some even speculate that he may have perished in a semi-accidental shaving incident.

Whatever the reason for his cyber-silence, you can bet it is related to the 184-161 ass kicking he got at the Cap’s hands. One thing is for sure, there’s no better way to shut up a mouthy Ham than a good old fashioned whooping. Surely he wouldn’t off himself over one loss. I mean, he has so much more to live for than the QFBA... oh crap... R.I.P. Chief.

Gals Win! Gals Win! Gals Win!

There is nothing wrong with your set. Do not attempt to adjust the picture. We are controlling the transmission. You are about to experience the awe and mystery which reaches from the inner mind to... The Outer Limits.

We command you to re-read the above headline and hear Johnny Most’s gravelly voice shouting excitedly, “Havlicek stole the ball... it’s all over... it’s all over...” Only this time he’s saying “Roy comes in at 24... It’s all over... it’s all over... Gal’s Win! Gal’s Win!”

The Gal’s first win was certainly a dramatic one, folks, and by rights it should have been the lead story this week but I couldn’t waste that cool picture. But, I digress... With Brandon Roy faking injury and finally deciding to play on Thursday, all he needed to save Cal Dave from a fate worse than death was a 30 point performance. That seemed doable for last year’s Rookie of the Year but ‘twas not to be.

Word is that Cal Dave and the Chief have made a suicide pact and are racing toward each other in matching Turner Gas LPG Transports, playing a multi-state game of chicken... and remember, LPG Go Boom! Sounds a bit crazy, I know, but anything can happen in The Outer Limits! After all, the Gals put up 135 points and still got the win.


Mercy Sake, Good Buddies, We Got Us a Streak

It was far from the ‘Runners best week, especially after bringing in the first and second highest scores of the season the last two weeks but it was enough to get by the hapless “I’m not winning the real game anymore” Dubers.

Runners had the same problems the Cap’n did this week when the Jazz blew out the Pacers so bad that their starters sat for most of the second half. Fortunately for the Runners, the Jazz also held the Duber’s O’Neal to only 15 fantasy points in the rout, thus preserving the win for the “Runners.

After their third win in a row, the Fronter’s are now the best 5-6 team in the league. They suffered some unfortunate losses early in the season but now it looks like they finally have found “the luck of the ‘Bus”. As for the Dubers, they’ll upset a few folks if they can just manage to get their five best players in the game consistently.


Clunk City Gives ‘Bugz the Jitters

I don’t mind telling you, Coach S was concerned about this one all week. She was wandering around QuiXand Ranch clear back on Monday muttering, “I’m going to lose, I’m going to lose.” I tried to quietly reassure her, perfect hubby that I am, but she remained negative right up until Friday night when Redd finally emerged from his injury cocoon to play for the Clunkers.

“He’s got ten and it’s still the first quarter... He’s got fifteen and it’s still the second quarter... He’s got eighteen at halftime... I’m going to lose, I’m going to lose, I ALWAYS lose... woe is me, woe is me...” Not kidding folks, she actually did say “Woe is me!”

Shees, thank goodness Redd only came in at 30, far short of the 40 he needed for the Clunkers to win, so that I could get some peace. As I drifted off to sleep Friday night I heard Coach S mumble, “I knew I’d win all along”. No, Coach S, woe is ME!


Luck of the ‘Bus

I know the ‘Bus is pleased to have gone 4-1 in the last five weeks. I mean, how could he not be after posting scores of 152,152,157,169 and 165 and only dropping one game, that one being to the best team in the league, Cap’n Parrotdead? And I know the ‘Bus will say that’s not bad considering he has two of the top players in the league riding the Incubus pine with injuries, and that’s true. Better to be lucky than good.

This week he was very lucky to have survived against the Cruisers. Blame this one on Josh Howard, who had one of his worst weeks of the season at 22 for Coach April “Don’t call me Apy Dawn Dawn” Heiniger. Of course ‘Bus had Randolph with only 20 but that seems to be becoming a habit for the volatile Forward, who had nine last week before being thrown out of the game and only three on Friday after being benched by Coach Isaiah “Who Dat Hoe?” Thomas.

Word on the street is that the Knicks are trying to unload Randolph but finding no takers. The same is true for the “Bus. Hey, Coach Moyle, try the Dubers, I hear they’re easy.

QFBA Rag Week Ten

Hayduke Lives!

Wow! That’s about all I can say about this one. Hayduke had the Cap’n on the plank all week, hanging on by his fingernails. The Cap was a bit worried but with King James and Johnson still to go, all was not lost. The James Gang rode in and tried to save the day with 50 but Johnson’s 28 left the door open for Stoudemire to hand the ‘Runners the win.

Fast Forward to Thursday, ‘Runners need 22 from Stoudemire for the Dubya. It’s unlikely that he’ll fail to get that but Cap sees that he did have 18 in Week Two so maybe... NOT!
The poor hapless Cap’n is hanging onto the plank by his cold, bloody fingernails and Stud-amire stomps on his fingertips with 50 to send the Cap into the drink. Doh! Cap hates when that happens!

Didn’t I say last week that this was the best 3-6 team in the league? ‘Runners ride two 50+ performances and another 48 enroute to the second highest point total in the league this year – right behind the high they set last week. And they brought the longest winning streak in the league this season to a screeching halt. I guess now they’re the best 4-6 team in the league. Lookout folks, Hayduke lives!

didi’s Get Gubers

didi’s got the Gubers but it’s clear Coach Myers still doesn’t get this game. I mean, even after Cap’n and ‘Bus (NOT a singing duo) raided his team, he still has a pretty formidable roster, if he could only figure out how to start his five best players some week. I can’t imagine why he continues to start Biedrins when he has Maggette and Butler racking up points from the bench. Hey Coach, you can slide either O’Neal or Gasol in at Center and get Butler into the lineup. Either Butler or Maggette would have given the Gubers the win this week and ANY live body would have given them a win last week!

Meanwhile, Coach Sisti has been quietly acquiring free agents and tweaking his lineup. Crafty Coaching has given this team a better record than they really deserve at 6-4. I think it’s fair to say that we saw the difference that a good veteran coach can make versus a rookie this week. Nice work, Coach Sisti, especially on the John Salmons pickup. Coach Cap’n Parrotdead has been watching him for a while now but he never expected to see 56 from him this week.

Better to be Lucky than Good

Rednicks could have beaten Incubus this week. Oh yea, and the SeaGals and the Dubers. Aside from Clutch City, that’s about it. Kobe’s sub-par 25 were just enough to give the Chief the seven point win VS the Incubus farm club.

As for the Rocketman, Coach Hollis’ team struggles with consistency. Redd, who the pundits have been lauding for bringing a more complete game this year, came in at 25. Add Jefferson’s 22 to that and it’s tough to get a win against the first place team, even on a barely above average week.

The Chief is going to have to put up a few more points than his average to get past the Cap’n next week, that much is certain. STRUT-STRUT CHEST THUMP away there Chief.

Well? It Is...

It’s kinda funny that ‘Bus tried to anticipate this week’s headline. This reporter thinks maybe he was trying to head off the obvious, but it is all about the matchup in this league. That’s pretty obvious when you get past the Dubers one week only because of Mr. Emtee and then have to hang on by the skin of your teeth for the 3 point win over the winless Cher.

Coach, when there are only two other teams you could have beaten this week, even you have to admit that you were lucky to get the win. Thank God the matchup favored you this time because over the course of a 22 week season, those things tend to even out. Fully half the league has a higher average than the ‘Bus so enjoy your time on top of the standings. Something tells me that you won’t be there when the regular season is over.

The near miss launches “Gal Watch 2008”. No one has ever gone an entire QFBA season without a win and I predict that the Gal’s won’t either. I just pity the poor team that finally loses to them. Go Gals!

‘Cruisers Lock it in 4-Low to Run Over Evil Step Mother

She may be the only Certified Genius in the league (at least that I can vouch for) but she is having a hard time getting as many Dubyas as she should. She’s averaging more points than the two teams at the top of the standings and enough to be in 4th place if we went by averages but hasn’t been lucky when it comes to matchups. She put up enough points to beat all but two other teams but draws the Cruisers on a good week.

This one came down to Durant on Thursday. Coach April had to be nervous having her game hinge on the inconsistent rookie but after a few day’s rest with a ticky-tack injury, he came back with 38 points, handing the FJ’s their 6th win of the season.

Only Papa Bear averages more points than the Cruisers so far and this win keeps them in striking distance of the leaders with over half the season to go still.

The theme for this week seems averages VS standings, (you could say it’s all about the matchup but I know how that upsets ‘Bus). It’s going to be interesting to see if those things even out when it’s all said and done.