QFBA Rag – 2007-8 Week Eleven

APB For the Chief!

The strut-strut-strutting, chest-thump-thump-thumping Chief has gone AWOL from the hallowed trash-talking halls of the QFBA this week. There has been speculation that he’s been on an extended bender after a motivated Cap’n Parrotdead kicked him to the curb like yesterday’s garbage. Some even speculate that he may have perished in a semi-accidental shaving incident.

Whatever the reason for his cyber-silence, you can bet it is related to the 184-161 ass kicking he got at the Cap’s hands. One thing is for sure, there’s no better way to shut up a mouthy Ham than a good old fashioned whooping. Surely he wouldn’t off himself over one loss. I mean, he has so much more to live for than the QFBA... oh crap... R.I.P. Chief.

Gals Win! Gals Win! Gals Win!

There is nothing wrong with your set. Do not attempt to adjust the picture. We are controlling the transmission. You are about to experience the awe and mystery which reaches from the inner mind to... The Outer Limits.

We command you to re-read the above headline and hear Johnny Most’s gravelly voice shouting excitedly, “Havlicek stole the ball... it’s all over... it’s all over...” Only this time he’s saying “Roy comes in at 24... It’s all over... it’s all over... Gal’s Win! Gal’s Win!”

The Gal’s first win was certainly a dramatic one, folks, and by rights it should have been the lead story this week but I couldn’t waste that cool picture. But, I digress... With Brandon Roy faking injury and finally deciding to play on Thursday, all he needed to save Cal Dave from a fate worse than death was a 30 point performance. That seemed doable for last year’s Rookie of the Year but ‘twas not to be.

Word is that Cal Dave and the Chief have made a suicide pact and are racing toward each other in matching Turner Gas LPG Transports, playing a multi-state game of chicken... and remember, LPG Go Boom! Sounds a bit crazy, I know, but anything can happen in The Outer Limits! After all, the Gals put up 135 points and still got the win.


Mercy Sake, Good Buddies, We Got Us a Streak

It was far from the ‘Runners best week, especially after bringing in the first and second highest scores of the season the last two weeks but it was enough to get by the hapless “I’m not winning the real game anymore” Dubers.

Runners had the same problems the Cap’n did this week when the Jazz blew out the Pacers so bad that their starters sat for most of the second half. Fortunately for the Runners, the Jazz also held the Duber’s O’Neal to only 15 fantasy points in the rout, thus preserving the win for the “Runners.

After their third win in a row, the Fronter’s are now the best 5-6 team in the league. They suffered some unfortunate losses early in the season but now it looks like they finally have found “the luck of the ‘Bus”. As for the Dubers, they’ll upset a few folks if they can just manage to get their five best players in the game consistently.


Clunk City Gives ‘Bugz the Jitters

I don’t mind telling you, Coach S was concerned about this one all week. She was wandering around QuiXand Ranch clear back on Monday muttering, “I’m going to lose, I’m going to lose.” I tried to quietly reassure her, perfect hubby that I am, but she remained negative right up until Friday night when Redd finally emerged from his injury cocoon to play for the Clunkers.

“He’s got ten and it’s still the first quarter... He’s got fifteen and it’s still the second quarter... He’s got eighteen at halftime... I’m going to lose, I’m going to lose, I ALWAYS lose... woe is me, woe is me...” Not kidding folks, she actually did say “Woe is me!”

Shees, thank goodness Redd only came in at 30, far short of the 40 he needed for the Clunkers to win, so that I could get some peace. As I drifted off to sleep Friday night I heard Coach S mumble, “I knew I’d win all along”. No, Coach S, woe is ME!


Luck of the ‘Bus

I know the ‘Bus is pleased to have gone 4-1 in the last five weeks. I mean, how could he not be after posting scores of 152,152,157,169 and 165 and only dropping one game, that one being to the best team in the league, Cap’n Parrotdead? And I know the ‘Bus will say that’s not bad considering he has two of the top players in the league riding the Incubus pine with injuries, and that’s true. Better to be lucky than good.

This week he was very lucky to have survived against the Cruisers. Blame this one on Josh Howard, who had one of his worst weeks of the season at 22 for Coach April “Don’t call me Apy Dawn Dawn” Heiniger. Of course ‘Bus had Randolph with only 20 but that seems to be becoming a habit for the volatile Forward, who had nine last week before being thrown out of the game and only three on Friday after being benched by Coach Isaiah “Who Dat Hoe?” Thomas.

Word on the street is that the Knicks are trying to unload Randolph but finding no takers. The same is true for the “Bus. Hey, Coach Moyle, try the Dubers, I hear they’re easy.