QBFA Rag - 2008-09 Voume Four

Speakin’ of The Short Bus

This bus is definitely short: short of players. Coach Moyle is currently experiencing his personal version of hell, trying to make Mental Breakdown Boy Hayduke’s team into a winner. So far, he has led the league in personnel moves, some of which appear to be panning out, but hasn’t yet managed to pull this group of misfits together into a cohesive team. I know Coach Circumciser had high hopes going into this week and Coach Andrew ‘Don’t Call Me Andy’ K. certainly left the door wide open, posting the 2nd lowest score of the weak. What’s next for the ‘Bus? Maybe, in the spirit of fairness, one of you losers should take ‘Bus up on one of his lopsided trader offers?

Fortunately for DCMA, he was playing the lowest scoring team of the weak, proving once again the tired old QFBA adage that it’s all about the matchup. Give Coach Andrew some credit though, he’s the only one of you losers that has even tried to throw out some trash talk... something about his team averaging more than mine. HAHAHA. Good one. Kinda reminds me of the Geico commercial where the caveman plays Billy Jean King and thinks he's winning until he looks at the scoreboard. Andy gets it. He quits, but he gets it.

Injury Depleted Cap Falls to F’nU

A lousy eight points is all the Cap fell by after All Star Forward J. Smith succumbed to injury this week. In a stunning reversal of fortune, the good Cap’n traded places with the Effers by posting a better score than all but two other teams, one of which happened to be the one he was playing. Even without Smith, Cap’n Parrotdead would likely have gotten this one if stalwart Boozer hadn’t gone down in the third quarter. Like the greatest NBA team of all time, the Utah Jazz, the Zombies have really felt the injury bug early in this soon-to-be championship season.

Of course, being the gracious Pirate that I am, I must give credit to my worthy opponent, who put up the second highest weekly score on a week when he really needed to. The Ballers got 44 from Dirk ‘not dead yet’ Nowitzki and 43 from Jamison, allowing the rest of the team to cruise to the win with low-thirty showings. The good news for The Ballboys is that they can’t lose next week as they’ve drawn the weekly bye. Enjoy the golf course this week, Cal Dave. Yer walkin’ the Cap’s plank next time.

One is the Loneliest Number

It’s always tough to lose by a single point, especially when the game was so unbelievably winnable. Newcomer J. Crawford puts up the only single-digit game of the week and the BugZ still look to be headed for a win until G. Wallace joins his teammates in posting one of their worst collective games ever. And still the BugZ only fall into the “L” column by a single point. Coach S. was so distraught that she was found wandering the mean streets of Onalaska in her pajamas and pink fuzzy slippers, clutching her security blanket and muttering “Crawford wasn't even puking at the end”. Your guess is as good as mine about what that means.

As for M. Pete Dutt, I’m pretty sure he’s been hitting the bong a little too much lately and staring at flowers on the wall instead of coaching his team. Lucky for him, these guys seem to coach themselves. He has not made a single substitution or personnel move this season, not a speck of trash talk (like the rest of you losers), no indication that he has ever read the Rag or even checks his scores, and currently sits at .500. You can’t get much more ho-hum middle of the road than that.

Bruisers Crush the Clutch

On a week when the Bruisers have Redd and Richardson sitting on the bench with injuries, they still manage to clobber their opponent and put up the weekly high score – again. Increasingly it’s looking like the QFBA this year consists of the Bruisers and everyone else. Of course, when the Parrotheads have everyone healthy, that may be another story but for now, the Bruisers look unstoppable. Much as the Cap likes to think that the Bruisers new-found power is a result of good DNA and the Cap’s tutelage, something tells me B.A. had a hand in this year’s draft.

As for Coach Tobias, HEY, WAKE UP!! Oh, and thanks for taking injury prone McGrady off my hands.

QFBA Rag – 2008-09 Season - Volume Three

Toro Toro Big Bad Bull

Cap takes the Whopper off the Meatadors menu and leaves them with only the dried up bargain burger. Here it is week three and Cap already has two of the weekly high scores. Considering that his opponent had the lowest score of the weak, it was kind of a wasted effort. The good news for the Cap is that he did it with a player he brought up from the D-League for the injured Smith. Coach Cap’n was also pleased to see rookie Rose continue to put up big numbers, pulling down 42 for the pirates.

The Meatheads got nice performances out of Butler and Duncan but I think I’d be looking to sit Mr. Locker Room Marion for, I don’t know, maybe ‘Sheed? Calderon’s 11 points after an early exit with a tight hamstring killed the Meaties but it’s not likely that even a healthy Jose would have been able to help them to a win. The good news is he appears to be okay for next week’s match up with the Jitzters.

Train Spews Load of Auto Parts

A week after Freight Train drops his load while playing by himself, he still has enough juice left to squirt past the Clutch. This one took until Friday to resolve while the Lonely Conductor waited for Durant to come off injury. When he did, his 29 was more than enough to shoot to the Dubya.

Clutch continues to suffer from inconsistent Center play. Miller and Gasol seem to be taking turns alternating good games and bad. If Coach Tobias could guess which one is going to have the good game on any given week, he might have more than one win. Of course, with guys like the rejuvenated Billups and Artest warming his bench, I think he’d be well advised to figure some way to package a player or two for a Center upgrade.

‘Bus Encouraged in Loss

What’s this world coming to when big bad scary Stincubus is reduced to playing for moral victories? The self-proclaimed Executive of the Year has been working the wires hard to turn his inherited team into a winner and has to be encouraged by the play of Garnett, O’Neal and Randolph. Rookie Mayo was a bit of a disappointment in his first QFBA start but with guys like the injured Ellis and D-Will both soon to be healthy, look for much improved guard play on this team.

Jitz was anchored by top rated C. Paul who pulled down 52, flanked by new comer Crawford’s 33, while Gasol had his best game of the year at 35.

Sucks to Be FNU

It’s always frustrating to be in the top half of the weekly scoring and still come up empty. Especially when it’s already happened to you once and the season is only three weeks old. Still, it could have been a lot worse for the Effen U’s if Superman hadn’t put up a monster 62. Damn that Disco Dave for grabbing Howard before Cap'n could.

Coach You-Can-Call-Me Jay-Dub told this reported that he would be off in the wilderness this week and unable to monitor his lineup. Apparently, getting the hapless coach out of their hair must have been just what the Dr. ordered because the Dubious Dubbers put up their season high score, just four points shy of the weekly high. Iverson led the way with 48 while Ming and Carter finally found their games this season with each putting up 36.

QFBA Rag – 2008-09 Season - Volume Two

Bye Bye Freight Train

Oh, this one has to hurt. Train Wreck draws a bye on the week he has two players crack the 70 point barrier and another at 50. Of course, one of those 70+ performances wouldn’t have counted anyway since it came on the heels of a 26 point showing on Tuesday. Still, starting the right five could have yielded over 270 fantasy points. This yellow journalist was too lazy to actually check but I’m pretty sure that would have been an all time QFBA record.

The irony is that this comes just after Coach Andrew “Yo Mama” complained about the Bye situation, pointing out the he and Jitterbugz had one more Bye week than everyone else. This has just got to stick in the big guy’s craw.
The sad thing is that the Train Wreck isn’t really that good and it’s unlikely that this fluke will ever repeat. Tsk tsk, ‘tis a shame.

Meatadors Just Miss

Meatadors were in this one right up until Thursday, when D. Howard posted a nearly human 27 fantasy points. Not the numbers we’ve come to expect from Superman but enough to get the Ball Babies past the Meat Beaters 171 to 164. Truth be told, 171 for the Ballers may be on the low end on the spectrum with this lineup. Davis is likely to average better than this week’s 31 once he fully healthy and gets his feet under him in his new home and Howard routinely goes off for double this week’s output.

Never let it be said that the Cap is too big to admit when he’s wrong though. Jose Calderon might turn out to be better pick at guard than reported last week, though he’s going to need to find some consistency if he’s going to help Coach Dutt have a successful rookie season.

The guy I’d be concerned about now, if I were coaching the Egg Beaters, is Marion. He’s capable of big numbers but I don’t think he’s in a situation that lends itself to seeing Mr. Locker Room Poison go off. Maybe a healthy Maggette is a better choice in that slot? Just sayin’...

Bruisers Bop Dopey Dubbers

How does a team with Kobe Kornhole, Me-Myself-and-Iverson and Ya-ouchie Ming get hammered by 66 points? Well, it doesn’t help when Ming comes in at a measly 15 against a stifling Celtic defense. Everyone for the Dubbers looked to just be going through the motions while their opponent became the first team this season to crack 200 behind Bron-Bron’s 60.

Anthony and Bosh both put up 41 for April and the Bruisers while their worst player came in at 30. Right now the teams to beat this year look like The FJ’s and the Ballers- besides the Cap’n, of course. Look for these Dubbers to make a little noise too, at least until I talk them out of Kobe. I HATE that bastard but I LOVE winning even more.

Cap Takes It Easy On ‘Bus

I’m trying to keep ‘Bus from getting discouraged this year, knowing how frustrating it is trying to turn this “C” draft team into a winner but it’s tough to hold this crew back. I told my guys to cruise, and most cooperated, but Wade just couldn’t resist banging out 50.

I’m sure Inky was frustrated when he started D-Will behind reports that his return was imminent and then he didn’t play. It didn’t matter too much since he was unlikely to put up the needed 51 in his first game of the season.

The good news for the Stinky One is that the wise folks at Yahoo! made Wife-Beating Randolph Center eligible this week, solving the ‘Bus biggest dilemma. Move Randolph to Center, D-Will plays and this one coulda been a Dubya. Look out, ‘Bus is making his case for Executive of the Year and will likely find his share of wins before it’s all done.

‘Bugz Blow Chance

I see some real weaknesses on this Clutch the Tittie team but they managed to pull this one off. Frankly, I didn’t expect much from Brad “Roll Me Another Joint” Miller in his first game back from suspension and he didn’t exceed expectations but did manage enough to get Coach Tobias past the JitZ by a measly four points.

Iguodala was the real weakness for Coach S, coming in at all of 9 points. His 20 point average isn’t a whole lot better than that but it would have done the job this week.

If da Cap were coaching that team, Iggy would be gone and I’d be looking for a replacement for Gasol, whose 25 might be as good as it gets for him in his new home. The Flakers just have too many weapons for him to put up the kind of numbers he has in the past. But that’s just me, I could be wrong... Nah.

QFBA Rag – 2008-09 Season - Volume One

Yippee! I mean, Yahoo! Week One Done

The ‘Bus is Back

It’s been a pretty interesting start to the season after one Coach has a mental breakdown and throws his team to the wolves prompting a former Champion to step in and save the day. Kinda like Mitt Romney in the 2002 Olympics. After much tribulation, we have managed to get the Coach Moyle full access to the FrontRunner team and to change their name to Incubus.

All that remained was to get Yahoo! to officially change ownership from Coach Hayduke to Coach Moyle. I received a message from the powers that be at Yahoo! informing me that they had done so but, I discovered, ‘twas not to be. Instead of replacing Coach Hayduke with Coach Moyle, they replaced the good Cap’n with Coach Moyle. When informed of the mixup, Coach Moyle uttered this classic line, “Even better, I prefer your lineup to the one I had.” Well duh! Who among you wouldn’t feel that way?

Housekeeping

Because we have an uneven number of teams, we have one BYE every week. Every team has two Byes over the course of the season except for JitterbugZ and Freight Train, who each have three. Each team plays eighteen games except those two teams who play seventeen. In order to remedy this and allow all teams to play eighteen games, JitterbugZ and Freight Train will square off in Week 10. This means that Freight Train will actually face two opponents that week, as they are also scheduled to play Dubbers. Sorry, but that’s the best solution I could come up with to even things out. I’m all ears if someone wants to propose a better solution.

Clutch Misses a Shift in Week One

Despite Cap’n Parrotdead setting the weekly high score (ho-hum), Clutch City had an excellent chance to win this one if Coach Tobias had managed to start five guys that were scheduled to play. Clutch’s starting Center, Brad Miller, is serving a 5 game suspension for being a pot-head, causing the Rocketmen to drop a 25- point decision. Of course, Miller is CC’s only Center so I’m not sure what they might have done about it. Let’s see, wasn’t Jermaine O’Neal floating around the free agent pool before Mitt snatched him up?

The good news is that Incubus will not use CC as his farm team this year. ‘Bus tells this reporter that the CC’s just have no one to raid.

Soph Gets Past Rookie in Cross-Office Rivalry

Dubers wised up this year and even managed to add the missing ‘B’ to their name. While they were at it, they had an excellent Sophomore draft, putting together a potentially high-scoring, if somewhat fragile, roster. Hard to go wrong with Kornhole Kobe anchoring your team and Ming at the pivot. If Iverson still has some gas in the tank and Ming can stay healthy, look out for Dub.

Meanwhile, the rookies drop their first contest but do have a good enough team to have a shot at the playoffs. Of course, with the new playoff format allowing seven out of nine teams in, you’d have to really suck to miss out. I wonder who those succubuses’s will be?

Rookie Team Beats Hybrid

This one has to just gnaw at the ‘Bus. It’s driving him crazy to be stuck with a team who he feels really blew their first and second round picks. For those of you who don’t know ‘Bus, he ran the old Lynden Air Freight FBA many moons ago. The current QFBA scoring and head-to-head matchup system is based upon that Lynden FBA format from back before we had Yahoo! to take a lot of the work out of doing this.

As far as the Good Cap’n is concerned, The ‘Bus IS fantasy basketball, so you can imagine my disappointment when ‘Bus decided to forgo the QFBA in protest of the crappy way the NBA and Sonics treated their long-time loyal fans. I fully understand his position and agree completely that what went on was a travesty.

Anyway, the fates must have had another plan when Hayduke had his little meltdown before the season and Coach Moyle was convinced to step in and take over the team.

Coach Moyle faces what may be the greatest challenge of his FBA Career: turning this “C” draft team into a winner. I know this was not the start he wanted but he has already made some very astute personnel moves and could well make the new Incubus into a force. Having only nine teams this year means there are a few decent free agents floating around out there and da Bus has capitalized on that fact pretty well so far.

As for the Meatadors, despite what I think was a horrible pick in Calderon for a starting guard, they are off to a nice win in Week One. We’ll see if Coach Dutt can match the success he’s having in Fantasy Football.


The Kid is a Quick Study

FNU Ballers look pretty good this year. Of course, Coach Sisti is a former QFBA Champion and has always fielded tough teams. Unfortunately, he faces the Cap’s kid, who has become a legit contender this year. The kid made some questionable picks last year, but fielded a nice team that was much improved from their rookie season. This year, she has drafted what will surely be her best team yet. Yep, the apple sure don’t fall far from that tree.

The Ballers put up the third highest score this week but managed to lose a game that came right down to with wire. It’s always been about the matchup in this league and it sure didn’t take long to prove that old adage this season. Look for this team to win a bunch before this season is over.