QFBA Rag – 2008-09 Season - Volume Nine

Ballers Get Royally Effed

Man, those Ballers have had their challenges. Despite racking up the second highest point total on the season, they fall to a very Captain-like 4-4 in an embarrassing loss to previously winless Incubus.

Even the 'Bus his own self figured he had little chance to win this one while waiting for Baron Davis to play. 'Bus needed Davis to come in at less than 25 points for the win, which was highly unlikely, except that he obliged and brought home a 24. A quick check of the QuiXand FBA archives shows Davis has only brought in less than 25 points once this year and that was in Week One when he was struggling with injury.

Things don't get any easier for the Effed One's in Week Ten as then go up against the formidable Bruisers. You can be sure they'll brini their "A" game for this one, hoping the send the Bruisers to a second straight loss. Go Ballers!

Speaking of The Bruisers...

Fright Team sent The Bruised down the track this week, handing them their first loss of the season. I guess it was kind of appropriate that the Bruisers got their first loss on the same week in which the 'Bus gets his first win. No more perfection in this league.

Don't look now but the win moves the Trainees into a 2nd place tie and they hold the tie breaker. You'd think a guy who had the 2nd place team would have a few more nads when it comes to wagering on his team, wouldn't ya?

While it once looked like the Kid would cruise through the season unscathed, Cap sees her in serious danger of dropping two in a row when she goes up against Cal Dave "The Gasman" and his Effen team. You know they want out of their .500 doldrums in a major way.

Clutch City Cures the Meat

It's nice to have teams like Crotchless City to help ailing teams get back on track. Howard's 22 and McGrady's 13 were just too much for the CC's to overcome, even against Ekim Tud's struggling Meaty's. The Cap knows he's got trouble when this J. Calderon anchored team pulls even with him in the standings. Ouch!

I really don't know what to say about the CC Riders anymore. I'd like to blame Coach Toby for not paying attention but it's gone way past that now. It's hard to imagine but he actually is starting his best five. Pretty sad when previously winless 'Bus can't even find a player to steal from the the farm club. It won't be long before we have a new team anchoring he cellar.


JitZ Put Dubbers in the Place

I hope Jay-Dubya enjoyed sole possession of 2nd while he had it, 'cause he sure took a lickin' this week from the pissed off BigZ. Coach S told this reporter that she knew the Big BugZ were better than her 3-4 record going into this week and their second highest weekly score this week backed her up. She really should have a better record right now but a combination of injuries and bad coaching has held thid team back.

Don't think it wasn't a nail biter for Coach SuZy Q, with two player in jeopardy of not playing this week. Stephen Jackson finally came through on Friday and Okur waited until the very last minute on Monday to save the day for the BuggerZ in dramatic fashion. If you listen carefully at QuiXand Ranch, deep in the night, you can still hear her "Whew" echoing in the wind.

QFBA Rag – 2008-09 Season - Volume Eight

Climate Change

While the entire country has been experiencing the effects of climate change in the weather, there has also been a big change in the climate here at the QFBA in the form of our first blockbuster trade. Incubus and Cap'n Parrotdead, after hours of high-level negotiation behind closed doors, has pulled off a six player deal involving marquee players like D-Will and D-Wade. This is certainly D-trade of D-year.

Coach 'Bus has already nominated himself for Executive of the Year for trading two free-agent picks for the NBA's leading scorer. Time will tell who got the better of the deal but Coach Cap'n readily admits he was a tad generous because he felt bad about saddling The Bus with this awful team after he generously stepped in to help the league. Of course, Coach 'Bus did have the same opportunity to draft his own team as the rest of us, but that's another story.

FNU the One With Balls

Coach Andrew Fruity Train let yet another opportunity to show some balls slip away by refusing Cap's offer to bet $10 that Cap would outscore FT this week. Since Andy would have won that wager, it just proves the old adage of no guts, no glory.

FNU vs Fruit Train turned out to be the best game of the week. With Effen You nursing a lead, this one came down to Howard vs. Stoudemire on Thursday. Howard's numbers came in first and his Sub-par-man 30 left the door open for Stoudemire to save the day for his team. As he racked up the numbers, it looked like Stoudemire just might pull off the come from behind win for Coach Don't-Call-Me-Andy, but his 42 were just a little shy and the Effers squeaked past for the Dubya.

Having been bit by the matchup bug several times this season, FNU has lately proven that these things tend to even out over the course of the season.

Sympathy For Incubus

You gotta feel for the 'Bus, which may explain why the Cap was so merciful toward him this week. With Clutch the Tittie getting 22 from Howard, who looked like he wasn't going to play at all, and a lousy 10 from Miller, 'Bus was primed for his first win, even after McGrady's 48. Then Danny Granger (who?) pops off with 61 and the 'Bus breaks down yet again.

Man, that's gotta hurt...

Cinderella Gets Evil Step Mother

Coach April is really living the charmed life. She's been clobbering people all season and even when she finally has a bad game, she plays one of only two teams she could have beaten this week. This one has to hurt even more for Coach S knowing that Crawford for Iguodala would have given her the win, even without the additional 14 she'd have gotten from Jackson, who was supposed to be injured, over Nene. It's always tough to lose but even more so when you know the win was within your grasp.

At this point, someone needs to bring the Cap's undefeated kid down. My favorite teams are quickly becoming the Deadheads and whoever plays the Bruisers.

Dubbers Knock CPD Down to .500 - Spurring Blockbuster Trade

It's like the Cap told Bus this week: Cap will either prove genius or bum from this deal but he didn't get into this thing to play .500 ball. This should have been a huge year for the Cap but, admittedly, he made a couple of mistakes that have been compounded by a rash of injuries.

Cap saw that Randolph was undrafted and nearly snatched him up but hesitated too long and let him get away. Then Cap trades McGrady for Brand because he didn't trust McGrady to stay healthy and it's Brand the disappoints even without his injury troubles. Can you imagine that damage Cap could be doing with a lineup of Wade, McGrady, Smith Boozer and Randolph? Scarey!

I'll tell ya, it's been a tough season so far for the Cap. At this rate, I may force myself to walk the plank.

But back to the game at hand. No one aside from Wade had a particularly decent game for Cap'n Parrothead punctuated by Brand's 12 in a game in which he left early with an injury that will keep him out for at least a month. With Dubbers putting up the weekly high score at 201, it might not have mattered anyway.

Dubbers have suffered a couple of disappointing losses this year but are sitting right on the Bruisers bumper now and looking like the contender I thought they'd be. Woe is me...

QFBA Rag – 2008-09 Season - Volume Seven

New Menu Item: Dubber Chops

The Ekim Tudd team finally put a huge game together and gave the Blubbers a big, fat sirloin chop right in the kisser. The Meaty Meanies put up the weekly hgh score for the first time in the history of this young franchise despite Guard San Jose Calderon's lousy 19. Hey, Coach Mutt, I know you didn't have any other guards to play but my free agent pickup last week doubled that output. There are real players out there. Talk nice and I might even offer up a mercy trade.

Coach Jay-Dub's team was looking like one of the teams to beat this year until Kornhole Kobe finally decided to play a team game and Me-myself-and-Iverson got traded to Detroit, where he seems to be struggling to find his spot. Add to that the fact that one never knows what one is going to get out of Carter, like a lousy 10 this week, and suddenly the Drubbers are in the droilet.

Just to rub it in, Carter went of for 51 on Saturday, when it didn't count. That's exactly why I didn't draft Mr. Ego.

Okay! I Give Already

Gees, it's not enought that I taught the kid everything she knows. She can't be happy with running away with the league and beating her old man, she has to run up the score too! So okay, I give. Softie Boozer has one more chance to play this week but even if he does, he's not likely to have 73 points in him. I get it already, okay?

It wasn't looking like such a stretch for the Cap to get the kid until Anthony had to pop off for 63 while Brand performed so bad for the Cap at 19 that he got his NBA coach fired. Then Wade picks this week to finally decide to be human and suddenly, Cap'n Parrotdead is walking the plank. Cap could have improved his lot by leaving Lewis in the game and even by playing Bogut over Brand but it still wouldn't have been enough.

Nice work, kid. Thank God I have the Dubbers next week.

BugZ Don't Stop No Trains!

This one was really even closer than it looked. Both teams had nice perform ances overall with the exception of Hilario's 19 for the BugZ. Hilario was playing in place of the injured Wallace and tha was likely the difference in this game. Still, you could really chalk this one up to coaching error. If I had to choose between Nono Hilarious and Stephen Jackson to fill a slot, it would have been a no brainer to go with Jackson, who would have giving the BigZ 38, the weekly high score and the win. For that matter, I'd start Jackson even if Wallace weren't injured.

I'm sure the Trainers aren't complaining after dropping a painful rivalry game last week, the'll take this one even if they did have a little help getting it.

Ballers Catch a Break

It wasn't their strongest week ever, thanks to Superman leaving his cape at home but The Effers will take this Dubya. They've suffered badly from matchup bug bites so they were glad to have found some calamine this week beating the team that leads the league in starting Mr. M. Tee.

Crutch City has really suffered from their absentee ownership. Rumor has it Coach Tobias got caught up in one of those midwest twisters where he claims to have seen a pig fly by his window. Toby, come back, your team needs you. Just click your heels together and say "There's not place like home, there's no place..."

Moral Victory For the 'Bus

Finally, a week without a loss for the 'Bus. So far, Bye is 0-0-7 this season.

QFBA Rag – 2008-09 Season - Volume Sixish

The Bloody Freakin’ Matchup! Again!

What a difference a week (or two makes). Going into Week Five a dismal 1 and 2, JitterbugZ were looking like an also ran until they knocked off the Cap’n on his worst week of the young season while posting a respectable 173 points. The Capo had dismal performances from all, even FBA stud Wade to compliment a big fat zero from softie Boozer. I have two words for Boozer and his expiring contract after next season: Paul Milsap.

Then The Jizz follow that one up with the weekly high score to take down the second highest scoring team in the FNU Ballers. Suddenly the BugZ are a player while the powerful Effers can’t catch a respite from the Matchup Bug. Maybe I overplay that considering that only one team every week is destined to lose no matter what the matchup but it’s still got to be frustrating Cal Dave Ballzitch to lose when he puts up the second highest score. That bug does seem to bite him just a little more than anyone else. Maybe it’s that Bay Area water?

Now that’s What I Call Coaching

Conductor Andy had a lot to say going into Week Six against the wily Cap’n. I guess he was feeling his oats after clobbering the hapless Meat Puppets the previous week and seeing the Cap drop two in a row, including the Week Four heartbreaker when the matchup bug missed Cal Dave Ballzitch and got the Cap by accident. Funny though, the fruity farty train Conductor got real quiet once the Cap offered to wager a little hard-earned scratch on the Week Six matchup. Chirp-chirp. That’s cricket in the silent night you hear.

At any rate, Don’t-call-me-Andy knew what he was doing keep that ten-spot in his pocket as he falls to the Parrotheads 171-145. Lucky for the Trainees that the Dead Heads had injury troubles this week or they’d have lost even worse.

‘Bus Encouraged in Loss Part Deux – Okay Part Six

If the ‘Bus had any hair going into the season, it’s all been pulled out by now. Stinkybus Coach Clay says he’s feeling pretty good about his team these days, despite dangling trade offers to virtually every team in the league in an effort to improve. Still, he thought he had a pretty good shot at the Dubya against the Dubious Dubbers and he came oh so close at 154-150.

The truly frustrating part for Inky is that he could easily have won this game with the right personnel decisions. I had thoughts that ‘Bus might make some good moves and get this team into contention this year, making him a Coach of the Year candidate. At this rate, even if he does improve his lot, a more appropriate award might be Guesser of the year.

In years past he has proven himself a master at the art of the trade but it’s a lot tougher pulling off trades without any decent bait. Coach ‘Busted knows Coach Cap’n wants D-Will in a major way but can’t find a trade combination to make that one work. Anyone want to make a lopsided trade with the Bus and reward him for helping us out by taking on Crazy Haydukes team? Bruisers could afford to...

Bruised Meat

Man, what can I say about the Bruisers? Me thinks I taught the kid too well. A quarter of the way into the season, the one thing that is cringingly clear is that the Bruiser are the class of the league this year. We could hope for the injury bug to bite this team but then, they’ve won with John Salmons in the lineup and with Michael Redd on the bench so it’s going to take a LOT of injuries to matter.

Meanwhile, the Meaties are the most consistent team in the league with their scores falling consistently into the 150ish range. Not sure how much attention Coach Dike Mutt is paying to his team but I think I’d want to get Calderon out of the starting lineup in favor of Me-Myself-and-Maggette and anyone else in for Marion. But that’s just me.

Looking ahead, it’s The Captain and the Kid in Week Seven. With two of his big men questionable next week, the Cap’s going to have to risk that they’ll play and play well if he hopes to knock the kid off the throne.